wat bout pragnant strippers??
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
