Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
