but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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