Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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