oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
