the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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