I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize