you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
