the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
