Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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