I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You're my little dorito
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
