champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
