so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
