yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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