So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
