it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
