on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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