the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Help. Why am I so naked?
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