Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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