You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
