He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
