i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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