Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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