I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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