I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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