I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize