why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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