Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
