So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
