it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish you could order shots online.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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