I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
