with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
