Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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