dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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