THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
