Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
