Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You work out of a Hotel?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
