You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
