my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
