dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
