please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
