So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
