News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
