Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
