she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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