he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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