Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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