after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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