I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
