Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just googled if crying burns calories
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
