My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
