Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
