Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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