I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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