I wish I could teleport
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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