So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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