it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
