I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
