trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
