You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
