Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
